The Delete Button
by Stormy Snape
Summary: Inspired by real events. Samantha Carter gets trapped in the worst environment known to a scientist.


The Delete Button

"In order to permanently get rid of something on your computer, you must push the 'delete' button, it is on your keyboard labeled: 'D-E-L' or 'Delete'. Now can everyone find the 'delete' button? Good, lets carry on. To select a document to delete you must use the mouse..."

_If he keeps going on like this, I will delete him! I mean honestly, I am not an idiot, I have a PHD in Astrophysics, that has to count for something you'd think. I have built computers, I have written computer programs, hell I've rewritten the laws of physics and yet I must sit through this lame class, the result is simple: either I'm getting out of here or he is. I have no problem with the fact that he is a man, I have a major problem with him thinking that everyone is completely computer illiterate._

_I know for a fact that most six-year-olds can do what this guy is teaching without being taught. Its called the push the big red button generation, I'm pretty sure that even Colonel O'Neill would walk out of this class not even caring that it would mean a stay in the holding cells... He may like that though, he is the odd one._

"Now ladies and gentlemen, on to the internet. Now I want you all to click on the 'internet explorer' icon, it looks like a blue lower-case letter 'e'. This is really important so you should write this down in your notebooks. Now, has everyone located the 'internet explorer' icon? Remember its a blue lower-case letter 'e'. Now a window should 'pop-up'."

"A window? How can a window fit in the fancy television?"

"Now, Mrs. Grinmire, I am not speaking of a literal window made of glass and wood, it is the title, the name, given to the program view. When you open a program, one will 'pop-up' so that you can see it and use it without having to guess where you are. Now, what you must do is left-click on the address bar, it is the..."

_I am beginning to hate, no, loathe the word 'now'. And as for a notebook, ha, why on earth would I use that to keep information on computers? I would if I didn't have a computer in front of me, but I am definitely not putting such rubbish information into it._

_This is pretty sad though, I am most likely the youngest person in this class. What the elderly do for their children, it is truly amazing._

_Anyway, back to my rant. This guy is an idiot, even more so because I am sitting right in front of him and typing in the new equations for the 'Gate. I'm even typing rather loudly just to piss him off. Oh great now he's staring at me, why do guys always do that? Yes, I know, I am a woman, no need to stare at me, they are breasts, come any closer and I'll give you some, not the natural way either. Fake all the way for this guy._

"Ms. Carter, would you like to tell me why you are not paying attention to my class?"

_Heh, he's pissed, the Colonel would be pleased._

"Well, Mr. Spears, it is really simple. What you are teaching now is irrelevant to my skill level."

"Now, Ms. Carter, it is impolite to brag, if this keeps up, you will fail this class."

_Excuse me? Impolite to brag? What part of PHD didn't you understand, I know very well that it is clearly stated in my file, I made it so. Wow, Star Trek:TNG reference, I'm good. But to fail me because I already know the information, oh he is so going down, pompous ass._

"Mr. Spears, I am not bragging, I am merely stating a fact, considering I do have a PHD, and I can damn near build a computer blindfolded, and as for programing, don't even get me started. You have no right to tell me that I am bragging just because of my credentials, which, from what I can tell are far superior to yours."

_Holding cells in the spring are lovely, I hope I can decorate mine, the gray is just so dull._

"No you don't, it says in your file that you don't even have your high school diploma, you have a grade four education. These files cannot be changed without government permission, which I doubt you could even get as a hamburger flipper."

_'Hamburger flipper'... O'Neill! But how could he pull this off? McKay! McKay would have helped him, under duress but still help him._

"I am not a hamburger flipper, I am an Astrophysicist working at Cheyenne Mountain, Colorado for NORAD. I am a Captain in the United States Air Force. And I've earned it all by my work, my brain and especially my computer skills. You do know what those are, don't you?"

_Take that scrawny man!_

_Oh, my msn has decided to come alive again, I should create a better one for the base. Lets see who is online: 24-7-365baby (Walter), MonkeyWrenches4life (Siler), MeditationRulz (Teal'c), General Hammond from Texas(… yeah, that's Braytac), Thor The Powerhead (oh damn, he heard the song... Thor) and last but not least: Red Jello Forever (O'Neill). _

_Oh yeah, I'm talking to stick man, yenh. _

"Ms. Carter, if you cannot hold yourself to the rules of this education center, you will have to leave; peacefully, or forcefully. It makes no difference to me."

_One – this guy is an ass._

_Two – someone is not going to walk away from this; me, him, McKay or O'Neill, someone._

_Three – it is lunch time and if this goes on much longer I will snap._

_Four – this guy is an ass. End statement, full stop, that is the bottom line._

"Well, Mr. Spears, if you weren't such..."

"Hold on there Carter, you don't want to regret something later."

_O'Neill, great timing as always, now I can beat him up too. Insert evil grin. Now he's talking to stick man, have fun with that one, Jack. Ah, I mean Colonel. Damn, even in my thoughts, I'm doomed._

"Mr. Spears, there seems to have been a misprint in Captain Carter's file. It was caused by an incoherent rival scientist, as if he wasn't incoherent enough to begin with. This was all a just a huge misunderstanding. Now, if you don't mind, we will be leaving."

_There are sometimes that I wish I could hug him. My knight in shinning armor and a P90, it's __every girl's dream. Except for the fact that the Colonel figured out what was going on, then to turn around and find the culprit. Something hinky going on there. Great, what is today? Television show reference day? NCIS reference. It's odd because I hardly ever watch the tv._

"Hey there Carter, I'm sorry I didn't get to you faster. McKay went into some kind of reaction to the chicken I got him."

"Was it lemon?"

"Yes, lemon is the best, it's tasteless without it."

"So he was the one who messed up my file?"

"Um... sure?"

_With an innocent smile like that, how could I accuse him?  
_

"You did it didn't you?"

"Aw, come on Carter. You know I couldn't do that, you're my friend. If I were to hack the system and change your file, I wouldn't diminish your intellect, and make you a hamburger flipper. I would make you the President, and you would rule well."

_Only Colonel O'Neill. The best part is he knew about McKay's allergy to lemons. There is not much more to say about that, but I will find the hacker, I will._

Two Weeks Later...

_Hmm, it really was McKay. He confessed, well, after his two week recovery time. Apparently the lemon chicken was extra powerful, however, the most admirable factor was that you couldn't taste the lemon. Ingenious really, I wonder who came up with it._


End file.
